Fight or Flight

I shut my eyes

To find a rhythm in the chaos

Current pushing and pulling 

Swelling and sinking

Plunging and swirling 

There is no warning 

For each trigger, toss, and turn 

I’m caught in the deep 

Darkness closes in 

Smothers me to sleep

I won’t hear the silent screams 

Rushing through my head 

If I give in

Bury me

Below the waves 

That strip me of my dignity 

And mock my distanced dreams

Below the beatings and abuse

Where failure has no power to flog

And disappointment finds relief

Unfit for what faces me

In this hellish overture 

Keep the curtain pulled down 

And find me face down 

How else can I stay afloat

Unless I drown? 

I open my eyes

As the impulse to breathe 

Arrests my whole body 

Invigorates each muscle 

Impresses sacredness of life to mind

Unified in the call to fight

To survive the present

Tread the ocean 

Rise up to fill my lungs

With this moment’s provision

That prepares me for the next

Keep my head above water

What didn’t kill me made me stronger

I tune up

With the wind and waves 

We await your perfect pitch

Longing for peace and harmony 

For music to come from the storm

Orchestrated in sovereign grace

For when you pull back the curtain

To shine the light of joy 

Deep enough to redeem the darkness

Of where I’ve been 

In where I am

I keep my head above water 

And I hope 

Haunting Feeling

What closes in with uneasiness

Unsettles to the core

Haunts the present, and the present

Barely in reach but enough to grasp

A little bit of nothing

You thought you had it

Something that fit

Turns out it’s not real

It was only a feeling

Who fills your mind with stimulation

Thrills you to chase

Abandon what you had- you had

Mingled our souls but didn't lock eyes

It could have been enough

You thought you had it

Something that fit

Turns out it’s not real

It was only a feeling

A feeling.

Hopeless Romantic

She arrived a little late

Found herself more than just a date

At last, all her dreams came true

With the declarative exchange: "I do"

One thing became quickly clear

New life and love had much to fear

Stemming from a thorny past

Rotting snags and fresh weeds she must outcast

Down there where her time is spent

Search where her fertile soil went

Expectancy pressures her

Prematurely ages love so tender.

He lined up to board early

Women would fall in love surely

Got himself a wife to hold

"Family forever" conveys rings of gold

Pushing patience and the clock

Yet he takes pride in this life walk

Not a moment he would spare

On tracing back roots of his past affairs

Always running to what's next

Cover up or dim its effects

Finding stress in relation

He plays the part for his reputation

Will love find a way for them?

Even after separation?

After the shock and trauma?

Will marriage be seen as more than dogma?

They grew apart, but broken

Share the same bed that they woke in

Counseling to navigate

Will it be enough to sail this ship straight?

Maybe they'll arrive together 

With healing cords no one can sever

With Love that bound the broken hearts

And filled up each hopelessly empty part

Purely In Love

A drop of gold,

A glimmer of light magnified-

Brightened by flashes of fathomless joy,

Falling into a clear ocean of love

And the unknown.

Take heart-

The hope.

A simple word,

An affirmation most anticipated-

Breaking through the abstraction

Of a yearning and a dream.

With the reverberation,

Embellish promise-

The plunge.

An emanating ripple,

A passing of energy to kinesthetics-

Flowing wider and farther

As deep calls to deep.

Swelling endearment-

The intimacy.

The ring...

Still glistens...

Through waves.

Vanity of Vanities

A string of lights

Light a frame

Like a show

A frame of a mirror

Mirroring a soul

And nothing else

Colored powder palettes with brushes

Brush the surface with dust

Just dust

It's a daily routine

Nothing you haven't seen

It's vanity

But on it lies a picture

Depicting a friend

Like a soul mate

A friend who made this masterpiece

Pieced together and created

This worthwhile vanity

Empathy

A ray of light is shining

Into this dark pit

Once bound, fettered, damned, sighing

I've lifted my eyes

But my heart- it's looking back

Remembers an ache

Like cancer deep in my bones

I let out a groan

I see them- my prison mates

With chains strangling

Blood thirsty, and locked tighter

Than mine ever were

Left alone, they are drowning

In their silent tears

In a well others drink from

And it's me they've shunned

I asked a bitter question

Used to ask God, why

Stunned by dawn, I question God

Yet now, I ask why-

A ray of light is shining

Into this dark pit

Once, bound, fettered, damned, sighing

Only to touch me

Still

Draw away to listen to Him: "be-still."

All I'm hearing- noises louder- thump, thump

Heart is pumping- this is peaceful down time?

I am doubting. People ask me, "What's wrong?"

They aren't shutting out my silence

Small talk conversation fillers

Draw away to blessed silence-

Cursed! Cursed!

Alone. 

Again.

I keep missing that train.

It takes everyone else.

I'm left standing in rain.

And rain doesn't drown hell,

Or dull seven years' pain

Of doors quick to expel

Still. . .

I'll keep list'ning through the sadness

For the faintest distant sound

I will learn His voice by practice

And heaven will come around