Fight or Flight

I shut my eyes

To find a rhythm in the chaos

Current pushing and pulling 

Swelling and sinking

Plunging and swirling 

There is no warning 

For each trigger, toss, and turn 

I’m caught in the deep 

Darkness closes in 

Smothers me to sleep

I won’t hear the silent screams 

Rushing through my head 

If I give in

Bury me

Below the waves 

That strip me of my dignity 

And mock my distanced dreams

Below the beatings and abuse

Where failure has no power to flog

And disappointment finds relief

Unfit for what faces me

In this hellish overture 

Keep the curtain pulled down 

And find me face down 

How else can I stay afloat

Unless I drown? 

I open my eyes

As the impulse to breathe 

Arrests my whole body 

Invigorates each muscle 

Impresses sacredness of life to mind

Unified in the call to fight

To survive the present

Tread the ocean 

Rise up to fill my lungs

With this moment’s provision

That prepares me for the next

Keep my head above water

What didn’t kill me made me stronger

I tune up

With the wind and waves 

We await your perfect pitch

Longing for peace and harmony 

For music to come from the storm

Orchestrated in sovereign grace

For when you pull back the curtain

To shine the light of joy 

Deep enough to redeem the darkness

Of where I’ve been 

In where I am

I keep my head above water 

And I hope